We all yearn for a life less ordinary and thus it is completely normal that we should spend half our waking lives dreaming of a life more perfect. What is the perfect life? A life of money, love, beautiful things?
The average person is not happy with what they have and seeks to better themselves or is envious of the person sitting beside them with the fabulous Prada handbag.
This isn’t unhealthy behaviour, this is human nature.
I live my life through my dreams, often mistaking dreams for reality but that’s how I manage to get through the red days. Red days are far worse than blue days. These are days where you can not seem to drag yourself out of a bad mood and, consoling yourself or others trying, is a definite brick wall event!
The worse thing to do in this situation is eat yourself into that comfort zone because inevitably that will make matters worse as not being able to fit into your favourite Diane Von Furstenberg dress is a catastrophe in itself!!
Often we take an alias form to enter into a life that is an escape from our own and often that may spiral out of control, but for the immediate excitement and joie de vie it is fine.
The story of my excitement came about accidently.
Have you ever had one of those days when you are so engrossed in a movie that you believe the whole world is watching it with you?
There was a day this happened to me and it really just started as a little joke but unfortunately the recipient fell in love with the girl behind the veil and I fell in love with the recipient so here we are a love triangle between me, my other self and Mr X!
Let me start from the beginning.
Once upon a time……..
It was a simple Sunday afternoon, nothing much to do, weather was bad so the perfect escape was to watch a soppy movie and curl up under the duvet! What could be soppier than a fill of Jude Law, Cameron Diaz although her acting skills are somewhat questionable but that also may just be jealousy speak! Fantastic figure, acting with the likes of Jude Law and Dermot Mulroney, of course it’s jealousy. The film, The Holiday, although it’s nothing special it does have that certain soft centre air about it. Anyway, I am not about to give a synopsis of the movie, we will be here all day. So that Sunday afternoon, all snuggled under the duvet, pining over Jude Law, it suddenly hit me that Mr X actually bears an uncanny resemblance to Jude Law. Does he really or do I just find the 2 so incredibly handsome that I moulded them into 1?? Who knows! As a result of this assessment, a text message was sent from the alter ego Coco declaring this recent discovery. “Has anyone ever told you, you bare an uncanny resemblance to Jude Law” SENT! Of course I didn’t expect a reply, especially to a number that he didn’t recognise but there it was, the following day, 1 message received! OPEN- “has anyone told you, you look like Bridgette Bardot!” It was simple, but unknown to me, the beginning of a tangled web., however, how is it possible to be jealous of yourself? Simple, fall in love with a boy who is in love with your alias and then make matters worse by telling him you love him but he pays more attention to the love he has for the alter ego- all very complicated and totally running away with the story without completing a sentence!!
Let me try to start this again. The messages were, unbeknown to me the start of a series of written encounters. Her name is Coco, 30 years old, single, glamorous, works in the fashion industry and with the speedy approach of the various fashion weeks, has been travelling between Milan, Paris and London in preparation for the events. Really a life that I only dream about these days. Coco and Mr X embarked upon a game of text tennis whereby Coco would massage Mr X’s ego and Mr X would try to rack his brain trying to figure out who the girl is whilst basking in the compliments. She talked of her work in small doses and continually counselled a somewhat broken man. During gaps that were often more than a few days, partly because my phone had broken, it appeared that the beautiful man would get somewhat anxious, desperate for his next dose of Coco. The conversations became more intense with him asking her questions of love, future, commitment and reciprocating with tales of hardship, loss of confidence and how he would love to be with a kind girl like Coco. This is where the weirdness in my head began!! Is it really that possible to become envious of myself?? Despite this story starting out as a light hearted quirky read, it is in fact quite true to life, emotional and heart-felt. Even whilst writing it I can feel a little bubble floating up my stomach into my oesophagus just waiting to burst into a shriek wail!
On a day trip to a city near by in search of the perfect house, Mr X shared the details of this encounter with me, laughing and joking and being a man, omitting all the gay details of how he actually and totally fallen for this mysterious girl. I didn’t want to play this game anymore as to be honest, it was tres risqué and like most things I start, I get bored. So I suggested he stop texting her to which he was in full agreement, yeah yeah, of course he was. I knew he wasn’t attracted to the really glamorous girls and thus made her a fashion subject. He had told her that it was his dream to work for Hugo Boss!! I had told him, or rather she had told him that she could totally get him a gig with Dolce & Gabbana!! On talking about Coco, I actually felt like a spare tyre and with all the cake I had begun consuming through my little spat of depression, not only was I feeling like a spare tyre, I was also starting to develop one!
The saga continued with the continuous messages going back and forth with an email of quite substantial emotional wealth thrown in for good measure. What can I say?? I sat and read the email and was overwhelmed by the depth. When you haven’t a clue who you are speaking to, why open up so much. The email is something I will take to the grave with me as the guilt had then set in and it was time to put a stop to this game that had clearly spun out of control.
Having an addictive nature, this game playing was too difficult to cease, however, as previously stated, games get boring and yes, I am bored now. So the next plan of action was for me to write a heart felt letter (hand written on beautiful paper, with a fountain pen, soaked in Flower bomb Perfume) with traits of Coco but from me.
He returned, he read the letter, he laughed, smiled maybe cried (doubt it) but I said what I had to say, a bit trippy I have to admit but sometimes drastic measures need to be taken. Unfortunately or fortunately we didn’t move up a notch, we remained at a constant, and the friendship is safe.
And so the game is over. Mr X is non the wiser and I, well I will never have the man I want. C’est la vie!
(This story has been edited to maintain the privacy of those involved)
