The Holiday's are coming

Who is ready for the holidays??
One person who is definately ready is me!! I absolutely can not wait. I can't ever remeber being this excited to be away from work, computers and all the biscuits that have accumulated in the coffee lounge crying out to be eaten!!! If I succumb to the temptations that try to lure us in to the Christmas feel, I will end up looking like a stuffed turkey so it is a case of self control to maintain self preservation!

What am I expecting this year, well not a lot really and to be honest when you get older, the idea of other people buying you something that isn't quite up to your taste and having to paste on a articicial smile thus adding to the ever growing crows feet, well it does not excite me. What excites me is the the idea of being at home with the family and enjoying quality time, waking up and being able to see them past 8am without having to dash out the door, being able to move around outt doors in actual daylight!! I know it all sounds quite pathetic, but what can I say, I am getting older, and appreciating the finer things in life.
Luckily I managed to finish all my shopping prior to the snow fall. I can guarantee there will be no disappointed faces. I am a giver not a receiver. I have far too many comoditites as it is and frankly I have little storage left in the mansion.

Oh I know what I would love for Christmas, a diamond ring and a vile of botox. Now that would just complete the day. It's never going to happen, or is it???

So we are fast approaching another year where people make their Bridget Jones resolutions....I will lose weight, I will try harder....yarder yarder.
I can't say I have thought of any as yet, but I do have 9 more days to come up with some little pearls and see if I can stick to them.
One is, I shall be more attentive with my updates and I shall definately definately give up chocolate :)and avoid the Sunday blues. There, i didn't need 9 days, I have done it already. I made my resolutions earlier in the year. They are still going strong.

Happy Holidays Everyone.

Bon Anee.
xoxo

A Serious Outlook

I have had many of my pilgrims asking me what happened to my writing? As in, where have I disappeared to as the updates on “The Life and Times of I.R” seem to be few and far between. Well I am here, now. I have been travelling some time and gaining some perspective and insight on what life actually means to me. What is important and the real meaning of the word pride.
Keeping oneself really busy is an immediate solution to keeping oneself happy and not stopping to think that there could be something missing in your life. I have been using this quick fix to get me by and I have to say it has been working a treat. Not obsessing about the male species or people that have gone but releasing more positive energies that have been hiding away for the last 10 years.
Am I kidding myself with this Prozac analogy? By this I mean am I keeping so busy and sticking this grin on my face to convince myself that I am happy and have it all or is this it? Am I so thrilled with my life that it would take weapons of mass destruction to knock me off my perch!
Well here it is, I have counselled my brother through a tough time and through this have listened to my own advice and rid myself of poisons that brought me down. I have helped my sister through some trauma, counselled her through and helped find a solution. I have lost a sister, not even a year ago, and tried to counsel myself to believe she will be happier wherever she is now. Not so weak now am I!!
I believe when life feels as smooth as silk, we look for a crease. It is human nature to find fault with something that has none. It is called boredom. Therefore, don’t allow yourself to get into a state of boredom because the consequences could be fatal.
Am I more serious? Yes I suppose I am. Have I lost my jovial fun loving side, of course not. I am still me, just not so away with the fairies, living in a fantasy world where I love a man who doesn’t love me or believing that the more you run around after someone, the more they will care for you. It is time to get tough be selfish but I am still me.
Having visited a great friend last night, battling through the fog to see him, I had another reality check. The love I have been carrying for 4 years, needs to be filed away. Reality Check.
He saw a new me, a more serious me. A girl he once knew has turned into a poker faced sombre woman who is quite dead pan. Not many people detect these changes but I suppose it follows that same path of when people see you after a long time they notice weight fluctuations. He has picked up on my mentality fluctuations.
I got to thinking on my fog ridden drive home, have I lost something? He think’s I am blue. Am I blue? Am I upset? Am I low because I am not in a relationship? No, I am fine, I have everything I need and want. There are worse off people in the world. I am lucky to have what I have. Is there something upsetting me I ask again.........perhaps.........where does the love go?
It’s a new day. It’s the weekend. What is great in my life? My family, my friends, my business and above all, my fabulous wardrobe and figure to fit!!!
Rant over.

Eat Pray Work

New Years resolution (according to the Hindu Calender it's now 2067) Eat well, (not too much as I am still totally freakish about gaining weight) Pray more and work my ass off to make the business a success. Something missing I hear you ask??? Love??? FORGET IT!! I am sick to death of the male species, their attitudes and having to answer to them. I am by no means a man hater but right now, I have to space in my life for one, well there is space for one, one in particular, one that requires me to work and pray in order for it to happen.

Having been thoroughly disgusted by the behaviour of one person, I wish I could name and shame him, I have made a conscious decision to eliminate the problem and a little more. When you throw stones at a bird, it will fly away. When you are insulted by a friend, that friendship is over. This friendship is over!

Having spent a fantastic week with some fabulously influential women, I have taken my life back. It is my life and I shall live it the way I see fit.

Wisdom gained

PRIDE AND STICKABILITY! This is my chanting mantra. When someone knocks you down and talks to you like you are a juvenile, cut them out and stick to your descision! Remeber the way they made you feel at that moment in time. It's over, for good. It's time, to stand straight, realise who you are and where you come from. We are worlds and dimensions apart. It's walking time. Aurevoir.

What is Perfection?

I was recently asked, “ What is the perfect guy?” to which I answered, every girl as a different ideal as to what her perfect man should be as a man would say the same.
Me personally, I don’t believe there is such a thing as perfection. You have the “perfect job” and it will slowly start to grate on you and you will undoubtedly find fault. You think you have found the perfect pair of shoes. They looks fabulous with a number of different outfits and make your legs look so sexy and girls want to be you!! An hour into wearing them, the balls of your feet start to pain, 2 hours in they are pinching your toes, 3 hours in, you want to throw them away.
After conversing with a dear friend whilst shopping in Selfridges, I filed her in on the latest dramas, one being the conclusion I made about a selected number of men who have recently gotten married to the plain Jane’s and now feel they need a little excitement. From the outside these marriages look picture perfect from the inside they regret marrying the convenient option and miss the exciting life they had with me! One of these poor souls had previously made the statement about – “Ishika, you are the type of girl every chap wants on their arm but can’t marry”! You made your bed darling.
Taking a stroll up Carnaby street confirmed this new theory I have about the opposite sex and confirmed it to my friend who was some what sceptical about my accusations despite never having been in a relationship herself. Walking up Carnaby Street surrounded my “the beautiful people” couples walking hand in hand and the men having wondering eyes. I have no qualms about people looking, but ogling, now that’s a different matter. Is it really so hard to be faithful these days? What is it that has made society so bored with what they have that they need to look elsewhere in admiration??
We live in an unsatisfied society. This is not just the case with love, but with possessions. It’s become a sad sad story of dissatisfaction and greed.
Me, I am content with my fabulous life and myself. XOXO

Have your cake!

They promise you the stars and then marry someone else. 1 year later, they want you back. How to mend a boken heart? Dont let it get broken in the first place.

Lost and Found

I feel like I am losing myself in a world of complacency. To some people that sounds perfect, and I hear you say....”what’s the problem doll?” the problem is, I am not at that stage yet!! I am still figuring out what I want so I need to get myself out of that comfort zone and get back to the way I was!! I haven’t been able to write, shop or even be so self obsessed for quite some time and to be frank, I Miss just being ME!!
Is it really so easy being influenced that taking the easy route is the best plan? On reflection, of course not! It is like giving into temptation and indulging in that lovely light Victoria sponge cake! You feel great when you bite into it, but feel tres guilty once you swallow, and that continues with every bite, but you just need to finish what you started. I know I am going off on a tangent and talking in riddles but it’s the best way to describe certain aspects of my life and as is perfectly clear ( unlike my explanation) I am confused.
So as previous blogged, my dream tea shop is currently being planned, and if my partner should pull out, so be it, all the more attention on me. That is my number one priority, and having discussed it with Mr X, I feel more compelled to make it a success. Yes pilgrims , Mr X made an appearance and God have I missed him. The brief encounter was so fairy tale esq, it keeps the swoon afloat....any way I’m diversifying.
What was I saying, yes, the tea shop is priority. Having being almost sucked in by “the best friend’s” proposal of a house in the country and a dog in the hand bag, I almost lost sight of my vision but having gained a little more sense from past experience, managed to laugh the whole thing off and continue with my life because let’s be true, I was losing myself , allowing others to tell me what to do, dictate our future when I don’t see one in my crystal ball.
I love my life, why on earth would I want anyone to come in and try and take parts of it over INCLUDING my already successful business!! I lost myself, but I am back, and I am here to stay!!

Mind over Matter

Have I found love? is that the reason for my change in thought process or is it that I have become so fed up with thinking about it and so exhausted that I decided to use my energies to more worthier cause like planning my business!
I believe it is the latter and the thoughts are still there but they are dormant and any day now there will be an enourmous erruption of love diarrhea
Following the trauma of the stalker, I have taken a back seat. Yes you read right pilgrims, I had a real Kim Kardashian week!! A stalker that fell for me, or the idea of me. This Universe is swarming with crazy aliens with dillusions and it takes a genius to sieve out the goodies from the misfits.
It's been far too long since I have come across a goody which begs the question, are there any goodies left and if so, prez tell ou est la??
The goodies are still present in my life but just living at arms length.

So along with my new focuss of getting the business off the ground comes another big job. Wedding Planner, not for just anyone, for my brother and his beautiful bride to be. That's right folkes!! My twin is getting wed!

Pilgrims

I have been tardy with my updates, I know this. The reality is that I seem to be just moving along from day to day with not a lot of crazy occupancy in my head. However, the good news is that there was a flutter at the weekend and a tiny growth today so stay tuned as I feel a blog coming your way.
I sense it will be filled with the Autumn feeling of cosy, the excitable feeling of being in lust (that's right lust not love) and that desirable feeling of wanting a little treat for my hand bag.

Stay in touch. I shall be along shortly. XOXO

Spoil yourself! It's my new mantra xoxo

As we get older, our style, taste and priorities change. What prez-tell am I talking about now??
Well here it is. Spending a few thousand on a watch, bracelet, earrings makes a lot more sense than spending hundreds on a pair of shoes or the latest handbag! Yes I know, contrary to previous statements, I have in fact changed my ideas, well for this week anyway. Reason being…..AGE!!!

So I invested in my second Chanel J12 watch a few days ago despite have little money left having just spent a small fortune on a few holidays, I just felt it was needed.
Key to happiness: my new mantra: go on as many short holidays as your annual leave will allow and invest in ridiculously expensive accessories! It’s kept me happy most of the year.

The last couple of months have been tough and I feel like I have aged mentally and also afraid to admit it, I have spotted a few wrinkles!! To deal with the trauma, I invested, that’s right, invested sounds more justified than “went out and spent another 6 grand on a watch I didn’t need”. Art and Accessories, spend as much as you can. When I say “can”, I mean able to, don’t take out a mortgage, or declare bankruptcy. As the best friend told me, be smart with your money. When I told him how much I paid for my watch, he almost choked on his Perroni and I endured a nice little shower. That’s the most saliva I have had form him in a while lol!

Anyway……..they say a woman will notice a mans shoes, belt and watch, if you are still a single gal, you may as well look at your own and make yourself smile and be proud that you have independently been able to by yourself something quite extravagant and not had to wait for someone else to treat you.
If you want a job doing, do it yourself, if you want something special without being disappointed, buy it yourself.

It’s not that I am high maintenance or materialistic, but a girl needs a boost now and again. I shouldn’t have to apologise for being who I am, liking nice things, treating myself. If I want 50 pairs of sunglasses, 200 pairs of shoes, 70 handbags and a watch for ever occasion, I shall have it, as long as I don’t beg borrow or steal to have my luxuries, I think I have every right.
I am not married, I am not in a relationship therefore I can be as selfish as I want and start being spoilt…..BY MYSELF!!!

Me Myself and Ishika Raja

What better way to spend your day off than with the most important person in your life.......Yourself. Doing the things you can’t do when you are so busy entertaining the world and it’s mother, day job, house hold chores etc, etc! What a great escape when you wake up with a smile on your face, a plan in your head and no one to answer to but yourself...Perfection.
Following a traumatic and emotionally turbulent period, life seems to be settling down and returning to normal, well as normal as can be expected. So on waking up in the sun trap and an ungodly hour- 6am on a day off, I decided to make the most of it. First things first, turn the mobile off! Last thing I want on my day of pure me are annoying phone calls and sms’s and bbm’s! If the family need me they know where to find me.
It is a bit like that feeling when you come home from a vacation, it’s great being away but there is no place like home either. Sit down, take a deep breath and enjoy the silence.
So my day began with a fantastic workout......in complete silence, no music no other people, just me. I gather some people will be of the opinion that I am sounding like a woman in a state of depression, and I can tell you, that can not be further from reality. They say there is a fine line between love and hate, can the same be said for the line between happiness and depression? Anyway I am totally diverging off the excitement and topic that I began this story with.
So anyway a silent gym session followed by a spot of essential holiday supply shopping and sipping a latte in the comfort of my own car! So what’s next....holiday 1 booked, holiday 2 almost booked and holiday 3 very nearly there. Happy days. As much as I am against planning too much as we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow and to avoid disappointment, take each day as it comes; an exception may certainly be made for holidays. Turkey, Goa, Egypt, here we come, Sun Sea Sand and lots and lots of, well lots of something I am sure. That’s the other slightly worryingissue, my unhealthy relationship with one of my travel buddies. Is it wrong that I am so happy being in a relationship with someone that will never go anywhere or should I never say never. As the thoughts begin to swamp my calm mind I turn on the television only to discover a new family.... the Kardashians. Super funny, sexy I love it.....Aurevoir.

That Perfect Life

The perfect couple, the most magnificent house, private practices and 3 gorgeous children. That’s what we all want despite trying to deny it. God I hate those couples, hahaha. That was what he said and yet he could have that all with me!

When we get to a certain point in our lives, we need a little companionship, not necessarily a soul mate, but just someone to make a home with and have yummy children with so obviously you need someone on the same level as you so you can at least produce some good looking spawn!

I have reached a point where I know exactly what I want and who I want but getting them to see it too is the biggest challenge. Why is the male specie so far behind the female when it comes to matters of the heart. In life it has been the case that the women are always the followers of the male and have to work a lot harder to be successful and need to pull out all the stops in order to prove themselves equal to the males, then why oh why, emotionally are they trailing behind us.
We here it all, scared of commitment, not in the right place in my career, why can’t we just live together.
It’s crazy when we are in our 20’s we think we have all the time in the world and don’t even bat an eyelid when it comes to talking about marriage and kids as it doesn’t even come into our plans. Then we hit 30, we are middle aged and it becomes a struggle to find the one because in truth, we have had our chance at love in our 20’s and by our 30’s, mid 30’s particularly, we start scraping the bottom of the barrel. When our parents tried to encourage marriage early on we shouted and fought to keep our independence and thought we knew best, now we wish we could turn back the clock!

The secret to success, any success whether that be in a job or in a marriage or in a relationship, is compromise. With a little self belief, perseverance and compromise I believe anything is possible. If only I was this wise a few years back, I would be happily married with 2.4 children.

Why did I not say yes to “him” when he asked me. We laughed uncontrollably, we loved like there was nobody else in the world, we were perfect, so why did I say no? Does everything happen for a reason? Am I answering a question with a question? I don’t know the answer and perhaps I never will.

Nigella and the Whore

Listening to the age old myth: “All a man really wants, is Delia in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom” I began thinking. Firstly, I know it’s not really that old as Delia is not ancient and it isn’t a myth but a saying passed down from mother to daughter; it’s just a quirky start to the story. One thing we know for sure is the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Having failed everywhere else to lure in the man I love, I succumbed to the wooden spoon and piny and started preparing the ultimate deal sealer: The Famous Love Cake! That’s right ladies it’s a love cake, not shaped as a heart or pink in colour or filled with jam, no it’s a chocolate cake made with a little bit of magic and a whole lot of love.
This recipe has been passed down from generation to generation and the women in our family swear by it! It was my great grandma who started this custom back in Iran, having followed tradition and had a marriage arranged for her, she wanted to bring romance to the table, and that’s exactly what she did, in the form of a cake. My great grand pa adored this Iranian beauty and coupled with her cooking talents and her sensuality, this was the recipe for the perfect marriage. Having bore him 9 children I would say she was definitely a Nigella in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom- saucy minx.
Of course nowadays women are so independent and want their freedom and equality yada yadaa yada. Is it any wonder that there are so many single ladies heading towards spinster hood! Stick on some killer heels, a beautiful dress, and start baking. Trust me, it’s a winner.
There is something a lot more gratifying about dressing up when in the kitchen. One still needs to feel attractive. If you are a feminist then just stop reading my blog. I am not saying I want to be a Stepford wife! All I am saying is for me, prancing around in my oversized kitchen, dressed highly inappropriately makes me tingle. I am having a Donatella Arpaia moment. If that special someone should knock on the door mid task- Result!
I have had successes with this cake, not for me, myself but as the baker. The cake has lead to 2 independent engagements. Let’s see if it could lead to one more xoxo

Puppet on a String

Its always tough being in limbo, especially when it feels like you are a puppet on a string and the master is pulling you in so many different positions you feel like you may fall apart.
In truth, I feel a little like that now. My perfect, happy life appears to be experiencing some turbulence which I have no control over!!
Let me explain. After spending countless hours building this fairytale in my head, the goblins have slowly chipped away and left a little mess on the ground.

Is it true that if you deliberate and plan too much, it may end up as a not so happy ending?
When it comes to matters of the heart, are we just pawns in a huge game of chess? And therefore, do you need to play a game in order to survive?
When he says “with you by my side I feel like I can achieve anything” is that code for I want you with me until I know what I really am looking for. Why do most girls fall for the lines that make us go weak at the knees? Male folk have been playing games for years, this is why sports has been dominated by men. It is in their genetic make up. They may not know they are doing it, but truth be known, we all do it, men do it well though.

Where does this leave me? It leaves me feeling like my point has been proved and what I have been thinking all a long is true! Trust no body, don’t attach yourself to anybody, you come here alone, you will leave alone.
Unless there is a ring on your finger, you do not have to answer to anyone.
Time to have fun again…..why was I thinking I shouldn’t. This is my life, I shall live it the way I please.

You almost had it

Is it really possible to be the victim of a broken heart when you never had them in the first place? In my recent experience I would say yes. You have it there, you can almost reach it, you can almost touch it and in one fail swoop, it can be gone. Result, heart break.

Escape to Nowhere

There are times when one can feel so trapped in the bubble they have created for themselves, that you can feel as if you are suffocating in your own air! The air becomes stale, you lose that thirst for life and frankly everything seems like a chore! It's a feeling of deficiency, a bit like anaemia but with anaemia atleast you know after a couple of weeks on the old iron tablets, you will feel better. This deficiency goes deeper.
Do you ever just get that urge to leave the city, leave the island, get away from materials, technology, general social activities that makes us who we are? I want to walk,I want to walk and walk. The further the better, the more remote, the better. Where do i have in mind? Namibia!!

I know what everyone is thinking, how can you shed yourself of all those materials you love so dearly, the shoes, the bags the dresses?? Yes perhaps I will miss them but absence makes the heart grow fonder doesn't it? I am not that much of a Princess that I need to be surrounded by luxury all the time! Quite frankly, the way I feel, I would throw it all away........NAH!!!! The fact that I would even say that should mean something n'est pas?

What is making me feel this willingness to enter a world of anonymity?
Is it that one is entering some kind of identity crisis and is in search of the reason behind it?
Could it be that life in the real world is moving to quickly and there is a need to slow down and re-boot?
Possibly both of these.
For me, it's a combination of the two, and a god almighty head ache that I can't seem to shift. I need to get out, I need to get out now!!

Just the thought of walking in the desert, with only the moon as my guide brings me some kind of escape, my thoughts take me there but it's not enough. I need to be there to escape this suffocation. I need to be free.

What Have I stubbled Upon?

That dear friend of mine I mention on a more than frequent basis said to me “don’t go looking for love, love will find you, and in the most unexpected place” I have to hand it to her. She knows what she’s talking about.
Ok, so it has been quite some time since my last “confession “ as it were, and I have to say things, and by things I mean the romance, has escalated to whole new level. We talk for hours without tiring we email continuously, and we text till our fingers are sore!! We are multi-media connected!
How was the 1st kiss?? That’s the funniest part, yes we have known each other for almost a decade, but that 1st date has not happened as yet. We are almost at the crucial date and the anticipation is killing me!!
Is this love? How do you know? Do you need to be in one another’s presence to feel that chemical reaction? Is love feeling the other person even if they are not around?
He makes me feel like a Princess and isn’t that what every girl secretly wants? Despite my happiness, I can’t help but feel that it isn’t really real until the day we secure the decision we have made to be with each other.
I seem to be focussing a lot on my love life these days and neglecting other quirks but seriously this has me baffled! How did this happen? I was content in the know that I will be alone and yes everyone needs that special someone but when you get to a certain age, you become comfortable with yourself, and selfish and self sufficient.
Luckily for me I still feel like a teenager so I am not affected by the above and thus I am embracing this . I’m excitable. Guess what ???? I think I found him: My Prince, My Soul mate, My Friend.

The Zone

Everyone has that place in their head which the call their “happy place” and this place is unique to every individual. I have one of those places but I wouldn’t exactly call it my happy place, I would call it my rabbit hole, my hiding place, my invisibility cloak. My special place is a zone located on the black line where no one knows who I am. I have pure anonymity. Just a place for me, myself and I!
I love this place. Here I have the perfect figure, the perfect romance, the most fantastic wardrobe and no worries. Obviously this is an imaginary zone because there is no woman in the world who is 100% satisfied with their body not even Miranda Kerr, and the perfect romance.......does that actually exist?
So you can see why I spend so much time in here. There is something about this place, it’s as if someone is watching me living in this bubble and so you behave in a particular way here, and every now and again, smile and random thoughts that pop into your head. By this point you must think it is time to make contact with the psych ward but just stop and think about it first, do you have one of those places?
I am currently residing in that place now and I don’t want to leave it. The weather is beautiful. Waking up to the sun shining is the start. I enter the zone as soon as I awaken. Ok imagine having the most fantastic dream and then the alarm goes off......annoying right? Well being in the zone is like being in a dream all the time. So when I wake up in the suntrap, I still feel like I am in the dream because it is the sun that is the key to entering the zone.
I am on the verge of finding the perfect romance, and my figure well yes it’s at a satisfactory acceptance stage so am I actually in the zone for real? Very close....very very close.

2 Peas in a Pod

Just when you have given up in trying to find a soul mate and you think nobody really understands you and your quirky genius ways; you find them, and it’s the person you least expect them to be.
It takes time before you are comfortable in your own person and realise who you are, it is at this point that you can really connect with others as you know who you are yourself. This totally sounds like a self help book but following recent events, I actually believe it!
The other pea in my pod has been in my life for many many years but has never been an actual part of it. In fact I can safely say that we were tolerating one another for the sake of our friends, but if the choice was there, we would never have met ! Our personalities are one in the same and that’s where the clash came and thus we went our separate ways and then…….WE GREW UP!
At a recent reunion, we started all over again and thinking about it, it was actually the first time in our connected lives that we were both single and may I add, happy! We were able to get to know each other, talk, laugh, joke, philosophise on life and as strange as it seems to both of us, flirt!
Is there a connection between these two definitely possible soul mates? Well, actually, yes. We think the same, we write to each other at the same time, even dream the same. The conversation is so vast and ever exciting and when the conversation is stops, the thoughts keep on coming. Are these two star crossed individuals meant to be together? Have their lives been written in such a way that they must walk on a rocky road before they are lead to the same path, leading them both to “that” orchard?
There is that odd tumble dryer feeling in my stomach, that feeling that you cannot altogether identify. Is it excitement? Is it fear? Is it apprehension? It could very well be all three.
I feel there may be a little love story developing but shall leave destiny to work it’s magic.

Blue

What is the best “perk me up” remedy when you feel so blue?
Be thankful that the mood is not red for a start, and once thanks have been given, get on with trying to climb out of the blue hole. So, I have to break it all down. What is it that is causing this emotional infarction? Could it be the fact that I am missing the Emerald Isle and the occupants, especially one and the fact that the distance is clearly an issue? Could it be I have forgiven someone who does not deserve forgiveness and thus letting my cool exterior melt? Or is it something else? The fact that I am sick and alone and need my mum?
Well it’s all three. Now comes the job of freezing that exterior again and overcoming the emotion turmoil. I don’t feel like making a purchase.... that shows clear delirium, or it could be the fact I treated myself everyday last week and Sunday should be the day of rest for the wallet as well as the mind.
The worst part of all the drama is that I actually feel myself sinking and entering the red zone and thus do not have much time left before I reach the place of no return!
When I am in the pale blue zone, everything is so simple, a good glossy- when I say good I mean Vogue, Bazaar, Marie Claire, Not Heat, Grazia or some other gossip trash. So yes a good magazine, a cup of herbal and a warm room. When I edge into the navy zone ( this seasons shade of blue featuring on Ralph Lauren’s collection); I need to step it up, manicure, spot of R.T and complete alone time, throw in a fashion show just to boost the confidence and smile at the fact that I still fit into the tiniest pair of jeans despite indulging tin cake the night before! What do I do now though?? Get a tattoo? Yes, that’s it, distract the mind of emotional turmoil. I feel slightly drained by people’s negativity, trying to pull me down, but the mother ship is back!! Nothing can touch me now! I love my Mum.

Is it LOVE or is it LUST?

When you get to certain age, I think it is very difficult to determine the difference between love and lust. Sometimes it is just the idea of love that you love and thus put the feelings you have into the love box and totally bypass the lust box.
Let me explain, following on from the bold statement made in the last entry…. Confessions of a Vogue Girl Part Deux. Falling in love with a beautiful Irish man. Is it love or is it lust? Well, it isn’t really possible to fall in love in just 1 night is it? Or is that what they call Love at first sight?
When a boy holds your head in his hands and kisses you adoringly, is that love or is it the way to make a girl weak at the knees?
He held my head in his hands and we kissed and then kissed again, it was as if no one else was in the room despite there being over 300 people around us, to me it was just me and him. To me it was like falling in love, to him, it was a score, in the morning, it was a score for me and for him it was like falling in love.
A wise lady once said to me “Don’t go looking for love, love will find you and it will happen in the most unusual place. You can not allow people to fix you up with their friends or have an aunty find you a suitable boy; you have to allow your self the freedom to let it come naturally. It has got to be real, and it has to be for you”. That is the soundest advice I have had in a long time, and you know, it is so true.
If you haven’t fallen in love for a long time, you forget what love is. How do you know what love really is. It is different for everyone. Different people have different specifications and although that may sound very scientific, that’s exactly what it is....... a science!

Confessions of a Vogue Girl- Part Deux

Following the Confessions of a Vogue Girl, I have to ask the question- do we all suffer from some form of obsessive compulsive disorder. I for one can safely say I do. It is not the loop the loop kind whereby you can’t stop washing your hands or you have to have all the bottles in a straight line and if that’s not the case you want to top yourself, no, the kind I am talking about is when I just want, want, want! I have a cupboard with shelves stacked high with every kind of jeans. I have bags of all makes, I have shoes, so many shoes, flat ones, heels’ ranging from 2inch to 7 inch, open toe, round toe, pointy toe, and the list goes on, and yet I can’t seem to get enough of buying more.
There are reasons for this obsession and thus I believe are positively justified. Shopping is therapy and for someone who needs a little perking up now and again, what better way to perk you up than with a therapy of the retail kind. With the weather remaining miserable, I find myself getting very bored with the wooley fashions and crave for the day when I can pop on a pretty frock and slip on a pair of Giuseppe Zannotis. The problem we face is, or rather the problem I face, is that the shops are bypassing the poor weather conditions and exhibiting their summer stock! How can a girl resist. So I buy the dress, and haven’t the blood circulation to wear them.
On a recent visit to my escape sanctuary I had the conversation with one of my nearest and dearest friends, one of my inspirational women actually. Why do we feel like we have to keep buying and what is it that makes shopping so therapeutic. When you are having a god awful day, why is it that going shopping and making a purchase seems to change transform those angry pissed off feelings into little clouds of endorphin filled pillows? Those pillows remain of course until the next bad day which is usually the very next, and then followed by a puncture when the credit card bill comes!
When one gets married, those habits need to change as there is another person in the equation. Buying is more a recipe for guilt than a guilty pleasure. As much as I try to justify the spends, those justifications do not work on those with another half.
The OCD doesn’t stop at the shopping; there is the other obsession, the boy! The beautiful Irish boy that makes my heart skip a beat......swoooooon!

Papa

A man of few words but with great depth, I look to Papa for advice when times are really tough. It is those times when I can’t solve the issue myself and am really struggling, when I turn to Papa.
He is not just my problem solver, he is the smartest and most caring man I know. We all love our father’s and any girl will tell you that the bond between a father and his daughter is one that can not be described. You compare every date to your dad, that sounds really weird but it’s true. Hoping that they will be able to live up to the expectations brought about by papa.
I will never forget the Autumn of 1999, running away from home because of a trauma suffered. I just needed my dad. My mum could not even solve this. Running back to the Middle East was the only way out, my Papa was there, waiting for me to help me. Sometimes all a girl needs is her Daddy. Everything will be fine, when he gives you a hug.

Mummy

In our life time there are many people that we are inspired by and as a woman, we look at fellow women and take inspiration from them. The journey begins the day you are born.
The lady I admire most, and I am sure most of you will say the same, is my mum.
My mum is the strongest an in my eyes the most powerful person I know. Even now at 30 I look to her to fix my problems, the same way I did when I was a little girl.
She came to this country in the 70’s having married my father and from the very first week had to change her life from what she was used to. Being used to a life where she was pampered by her parents and looked after by her servants, this was a real culture shock. Being the woman she is, my mum got on with it, adapted like a chameleon her life of hardship began in Britain.
She brought 3 children under the economic pressures, fighting for each of us in different ways. I am so proud of the woman my mother became and is. She is a rock, and a tigress and the heart of our soul.
My Mum. My saviour.

Joys of Buddying

So you are 30 years old and still single! All your friends are either engaged ,long term relationships or hitched. Your mum says to you “what is wrong with you?” every relative that calls is expecting good news, and the only boys that chat you up are half your age! So then you start to think to yourself hmmmm what is wrong with me??
Oh did I mention I am Indian?!?
Indian, born in Britain, and as single as they come!
I am not ugly just single.
I am not stupid, just single.
I am not fussy- haha of course I bloody am and have every right to be!
And some aunties point out, once you reach a certain age, there is no chance of matrimony as you have had too much time to what is it they say “develop your own personality”
Well after having a long term boyfriend (of the forbidden kind) and that not working out, I am left on the shelf as they say. There are so many ridiculous phrases for being single!! Non of them are very nice either: on the shelf, missed the boat, damaged goods.
Although all your friends of the brown kind will deny, we (we being the Single Ville gang) are on all sorts of matrimony websites, mainly to please our parents and appear to be being pro active. What’s irritates me is when your ugly mate tells you, “oh it’s really good, I met my girlfriend on there and we are going to get married” and it’s no surprise when you meet them and they look like the back end of a truck- as they say the proof is in the pudding!
Yes I know I sound bitter, but it’s annoying. You get to that age and that’s all anyone ever talks to you about. “Is there anyone special in your life dear?” to which the answer is always no and then comes the automatic head tilt. Pity look followed by the up and down assessment just to see if there are any deformities.
I must have been on at least 50 dates in the last 3 years. Some of them were nice but just not for me. That’s being polite really. Some of them were total losers, couldn’t speak English, I don’t mean they couldn’t speak English but could speak their mother tongue, I mean they actually couldn’t even speak normal, everyday English because they were stupid! I mean what 33 year old man opens a sentence with “what you sayin?” what the hell does that even mean?. I am saying speak English you bloody fool! Someone should also inform these people that cool is not spelt with a k and it’s actually not “cool” to use cool more that twice in a 4 line email! Also if you are hoping to “chirps” with a girl ( you tend to pick up the ridiculous banter after years of researching) it is not recommended to start off the conversation with….”just in case you are a bit tight……” DECLINE.
I have to say, without sounding like an absolute lesbionic bitch, there are so many awfully ugly and terribly dumb males out there. They should be on a Crufts website not a website for dating females. Sometimes I do think if I am desperate for company, I may try the whole lemon curd route………….NEVER.
I’ve had short ones, fat ones, bald ones, comedians, doctors, old men, young men, the list is as long as my rolling pin and still goes on and still I am single. So I have to ask the question, is it just me or are these websites just full of misfits and thus their reason for being there!
Rant over.

Confessions of a Vogue Girl Part Une

We have all heard the confessions of the Elle girl, well it’s time we heard some confessions of a Vogue girl!
Having successfully delivered and executed a absolutely fantanbulous ball, raising thousands for a worth while charity, I am exhausted but extremely chuffed with myself and now my toe is tapping and my fingers are itching and that urge is burning a hole in my wallet!! I want a new handbag! Did I mention the fact that it is Valentine’sday and no one to spoil me so, what better way to celebrate than by going shopping! Unfortunately as it Sunday and now past the hours of going to the shops and having given myself a day off from the makeup, the shopping will have to be virtual. It’s great though, I can sit here in my Juicy Couture, sipping a skinny latte, have my hair in whatever crazy style I like and cosily shop for that perfect piece. Now the problem is where on earth to start!
Luckily all cozed up with my stack of glossy bibles I have a good idea as to what I am looking for and thank goodness for an extra accessories supplement with one of them. As clued up as I am, the winter tends to freeze the fashion side of my brain sporadically so like everyone, I have to have a consultant. So with the new season fast approaching, what will make a girl smile?
The question has to be asked, what is my justification for shopping when I am soon to be redundant from my day job with little income to support my habit? Well topped up on 5Htp, I cannot answer that question apart from what was already stated. It is valentines’ day, and who better to treat me, than myself!
I want a bag! I want a big bag to lose my stuff in! One to hold my laptop on those days where I need to escape; sit in a coffee shop, and be wireless. One to hold my lotions and potions on those days out where you never know where the day will end. One to obviously hold my make up bag and blackberry and a my Smythson note book so I can note all my worldly thoughts.
I have a void in my perfect world and need it filling with a brand new handbag.
Any ideas? Answers on a postcard!

Escape to Vogue

You come home after an absolutely dire day to find a little package on the doorstep. No it’s not that kind of a package (something ugly) it’s the latest edition of Vogue.
The best part of having a subscription is that you have it before the shops, which doesn’t necessarily mean you can go and buy this seasons Mulberry handbag without anyone else having it because let’s face it, sitting and reading vogue with a latte, just transports you into that fantasy world.
The smell of the gloss on the pages makes you all tingly, and it really helps if you have had a manicure just before you start turning the pages and entering the beautiful world of fashion.
There are of course a few rules that must be obeyed before one commences their reading. These are the rules I follow, or should I say established. Having been an avid reader of Vogue for well over 15years, I have made a few rules that suit me Don’t open the “bible” if you are just about have a visit from “the painters” having a fat day is never a good, having a fat day and opening vogue when the hormones are running riot is a recipe for disaster.
Best time to open it is just after a fabulous manicure, on a Sunday morning, with a skinny latte when you are at your slimmest!
Nothing makes me happier than getting my fashion fix, whether that be shopping, reading about it or living it!

Where Did You Go?

When you lose something, it just takes time to find it again, but when you lose someone you love, what do you do?
Why do bad things happen to good people? Should we look at it like that?
Life is one big test, a test we can not study for and a test that we neither pass or fail!
There are days that seem a little better than the last and those red days that are worse than anything you have ever experienced and how do you deal with those days? I have no idea, Help me!
The 12 months following a loss, all decisions made become null and void as the decisions are usually bad ones. I shop like I have never shopped to try to fill the void and for a short time there is an elated feeling which of course doesn't last.
The smiles have gone and nothing seems to matter anymore. Just bring my sister back to me. I see her everyday in my dreams so waking up to the harsh reality that she isn't there is like losing her everyday and feeling knife in my heart again and again.

One thing I know she will remain in my heart and everyone else's for as long as we live.
She is an Angel amongst us. She will watch over us and smile as we live our lives the way she would like us to.....TO THE FULL. XXX

It's a triangle

We all yearn for a life less ordinary and thus it is completely normal that we should spend half our waking lives dreaming of a life more perfect. What is the perfect life? A life of money, love, beautiful things?
The average person is not happy with what they have and seeks to better themselves or is envious of the person sitting beside them with the fabulous Prada handbag.
This isn’t unhealthy behaviour, this is human nature.
I live my life through my dreams, often mistaking dreams for reality but that’s how I manage to get through the red days. Red days are far worse than blue days. These are days where you can not seem to drag yourself out of a bad mood and, consoling yourself or others trying, is a definite brick wall event!
The worse thing to do in this situation is eat yourself into that comfort zone because inevitably that will make matters worse as not being able to fit into your favourite Diane Von Furstenberg dress is a catastrophe in itself!!
Often we take an alias form to enter into a life that is an escape from our own and often that may spiral out of control, but for the immediate excitement and joie de vie it is fine.
The story of my excitement came about accidently.
Have you ever had one of those days when you are so engrossed in a movie that you believe the whole world is watching it with you?
There was a day this happened to me and it really just started as a little joke but unfortunately the recipient fell in love with the girl behind the veil and I fell in love with the recipient so here we are a love triangle between me, my other self and Mr X!
Let me start from the beginning.
Once upon a time……..
It was a simple Sunday afternoon, nothing much to do, weather was bad so the perfect escape was to watch a soppy movie and curl up under the duvet! What could be soppier than a fill of Jude Law, Cameron Diaz although her acting skills are somewhat questionable but that also may just be jealousy speak! Fantastic figure, acting with the likes of Jude Law and Dermot Mulroney, of course it’s jealousy. The film, The Holiday, although it’s nothing special it does have that certain soft centre air about it. Anyway, I am not about to give a synopsis of the movie, we will be here all day. So that Sunday afternoon, all snuggled under the duvet, pining over Jude Law, it suddenly hit me that Mr X actually bears an uncanny resemblance to Jude Law. Does he really or do I just find the 2 so incredibly handsome that I moulded them into 1?? Who knows! As a result of this assessment, a text message was sent from the alter ego Coco declaring this recent discovery. “Has anyone ever told you, you bare an uncanny resemblance to Jude Law” SENT! Of course I didn’t expect a reply, especially to a number that he didn’t recognise but there it was, the following day, 1 message received! OPEN- “has anyone told you, you look like Bridgette Bardot!” It was simple, but unknown to me, the beginning of a tangled web., however, how is it possible to be jealous of yourself? Simple, fall in love with a boy who is in love with your alias and then make matters worse by telling him you love him but he pays more attention to the love he has for the alter ego- all very complicated and totally running away with the story without completing a sentence!!


Let me try to start this again. The messages were, unbeknown to me the start of a series of written encounters. Her name is Coco, 30 years old, single, glamorous, works in the fashion industry and with the speedy approach of the various fashion weeks, has been travelling between Milan, Paris and London in preparation for the events. Really a life that I only dream about these days. Coco and Mr X embarked upon a game of text tennis whereby Coco would massage Mr X’s ego and Mr X would try to rack his brain trying to figure out who the girl is whilst basking in the compliments. She talked of her work in small doses and continually counselled a somewhat broken man. During gaps that were often more than a few days, partly because my phone had broken, it appeared that the beautiful man would get somewhat anxious, desperate for his next dose of Coco. The conversations became more intense with him asking her questions of love, future, commitment and reciprocating with tales of hardship, loss of confidence and how he would love to be with a kind girl like Coco. This is where the weirdness in my head began!! Is it really that possible to become envious of myself?? Despite this story starting out as a light hearted quirky read, it is in fact quite true to life, emotional and heart-felt. Even whilst writing it I can feel a little bubble floating up my stomach into my oesophagus just waiting to burst into a shriek wail!
On a day trip to a city near by in search of the perfect house, Mr X shared the details of this encounter with me, laughing and joking and being a man, omitting all the gay details of how he actually and totally fallen for this mysterious girl. I didn’t want to play this game anymore as to be honest, it was tres risqué and like most things I start, I get bored. So I suggested he stop texting her to which he was in full agreement, yeah yeah, of course he was. I knew he wasn’t attracted to the really glamorous girls and thus made her a fashion subject. He had told her that it was his dream to work for Hugo Boss!! I had told him, or rather she had told him that she could totally get him a gig with Dolce & Gabbana!! On talking about Coco, I actually felt like a spare tyre and with all the cake I had begun consuming through my little spat of depression, not only was I feeling like a spare tyre, I was also starting to develop one!
The saga continued with the continuous messages going back and forth with an email of quite substantial emotional wealth thrown in for good measure. What can I say?? I sat and read the email and was overwhelmed by the depth. When you haven’t a clue who you are speaking to, why open up so much. The email is something I will take to the grave with me as the guilt had then set in and it was time to put a stop to this game that had clearly spun out of control.
Having an addictive nature, this game playing was too difficult to cease, however, as previously stated, games get boring and yes, I am bored now. So the next plan of action was for me to write a heart felt letter (hand written on beautiful paper, with a fountain pen, soaked in Flower bomb Perfume) with traits of Coco but from me.
He returned, he read the letter, he laughed, smiled maybe cried (doubt it) but I said what I had to say, a bit trippy I have to admit but sometimes drastic measures need to be taken. Unfortunately or fortunately we didn’t move up a notch, we remained at a constant, and the friendship is safe.
And so the game is over. Mr X is non the wiser and I, well I will never have the man I want. C’est la vie!
(This story has been edited to maintain the privacy of those involved)