I know it has been but a day since the last entry but I feel the need to blog!! Reason being the pain has subsided but not altogether disappeared and it seems I am hanging on to something that may have altogether dissipated in the hope that there may be a glimmer of hope.
I have taken advice from some good friends and gotten back on the dating horse and have a date with a beautiful soul tomorrow but I can't help feel that it is a waste of my time. The waste of time is really thinking about Billy who doesn't deserve it. Is he just "simple" and emotionally dead? Is he trying to distance himself because deep down he knows that he isn't quite good enough or is it that he just doesn't like me??
Who can answer these questions. The simpolicity factor is definately key. For example. Having my best friends wedding looming in a couple of weeks, he is now unable to come yet still wants to stay with me the night before the wedding. Am I fool for still wanting him there?
It is so hard to think rationally. Why were we made with organs that contradict each others thinking! The head and the heart. In hazy situations, the head begins thinking as the heart does and not the other way round as would be prefered. This proves the heart is dominant.
I feel I test myself and am a glutten for punishment. I want to still go and see him tonight, knowing how I will feel tomorrow. The pain is almost like a drug. I planned ahead knowing the feelings after the wedding, booking my escape to the Green Island, but what do I do in the mean time.
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